Why ‘Joy’?

As a counselor, I talk about joy a lot, and will bring it up in counseling sessions often.

The concept of Joy has become a central theme in my approach to counseling and my understanding about what’s wrong for many people. Ever since I learned about the Life Model, with its integration of Biblical theology and psychological insights into human emotions and behavior, I have agreed with their definition of Joy. Joy is not just a happy or euphoric feeling people experience sometimes. Joy is the feeling that someone is glad to be with me. Or sometimes they say joy is being the ‘sparkle in someone’s eye.’

In the Bible, I think about passages that describe being blessed by God as having ‘the light of his face’ shining on someone. Sure sounds a lot like your face lighting up to see someone you love, doesn’t it? Also, the Biblical word that is often translated God’s ‘presence’ is the word panim, which literally means ‘face.’ So God’s ‘presence’ is his face. The Bible is full of examples that communicate the idea that we are created to experience the joy of being together with God and other people. So often the work of counseling is working through and healing all the reasons why we DON’T feel joyful in the presence of God and other people.

It’s possible to experience joy in any painful emotion, at any time. The brain just has to know how to get there. In fact, neuroscience has learned, through the research of people like Dr Allan Schore, that the human brain is wired to feed on joy-human infants instinctively seek interaction with other humans to build a glad-to-be-together bond. Just think about a mother interacting with her baby. Lots of research has been done, exploring the nature of these bond in mother-infant relationships, and what can happen when that bond is disrupted. In the psychological world, we use labels like Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment, Disorganized Attachment or Secure Attachment.

As a Christian, I am learning (and helping others to learn) how to experience God as ‘glad to be with me’ in a way that helps to regulate emotions and bring peace and comfort, even when external circumstances are painful and unstable.

The quickest and most reliable ways to return to joy from a painful emotion is to learn to quiet oneself, accessing peace or shalom, and to deliberately cultivate appreciation. Since the brain learns best from experience in the body, techniques that stimulate the senses and emotions in the body are most effective.

Quieting involves learning to still your body and emotions. Deep breathing paired with a soothing or affirming statement can help calm your nervous system. You can also do progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense groups of muscles and then release them, while breathing gently and noticing sensations in your body. Many of us live with tension and anxiety in our bodies so constantly that we aren't even aware that we are so stressed. Deliberately tensing and releasing muscle groups teaches you to notice the difference between states of peace and anxiety. Living in such tension can have physical consequences- headaches, sore muscles, chronic exposure to stress hormones- cortisol, adrenaline, epinephrine, etc. These hormones are very helpful when we are in real danger-ie, being chased by a tiger- but have negative effects on our bodies when they are released on a daily basis.

Cultivating appreciation involves intentionally thinking about and reliving an enjoyable memory. Use all your senses to re-experience the memory, as if you are reliving it. Let yourself bask in it, enjoy it. Then speak out the concrete, specific things you feel grateful for in the memory. Notice how your body feels and what emotions come up as you think about the memory. Do this exercise for 5 minutes, three times a day, for 30 days. Surprisingly, perhaps, you are doing brain surgery. As you practice this consistently, you are stimulating your brain to activate particular memory networks, release stress reducing chemicals, which are having physiological effects on your body, and rewiring your brain in a positive way, creating new neural pathways.

Use your creativity to create a ‘scrapbook’ of appreciation memories that you can call to memory at a moment’s notice, when you need something to help you return to joy. Journal them, draw or paint them, give them a memorable title. It’s helpful to practice appreciation memories when you are feeling good, so that they are easier to remember when you’re feeling upset or triggered.

What are some of your appreciation memories?